I'm still here...I think...somewhere...

It has been waaaay too long since I have posted.  I don't even know where to begin.  For starters, I no longer live in beautiful San Diego, I resided in the much less-beautiful Glendora for nearly 3 years, but it was a good place to live; just not for me.  I am married now and have been since August 20, 2011.  Kate and I were not planning on living in Glendora for very long but life and financial situations had other plans.

Well since I gave this thing (blog) the philosophy of my musings on 'life, love and rock n' roll" I will give you just that.  Life has not been what I expected or even wanted since graduating college.  I need to be clear on this, as to not lead people astray to the thought that I am unhappy with my life.  I am very glad I married Katie and she daily challenges me and helps me to grow.  I am not happy with where we are right now; we have been in Glendora for over two years now and haven't really accomplished what we expected to in that time.  I will put a lot of blame on myself for how things have turned out.  I wasn't the most motivated person coming out of college, and my personality is naturally kind of care free and go with the flow for the most part, and that led me to not prepare and set goals for myself in the past.  I have gotten better at that over time I think, but I'm still a work in progress.  Big changes are in store in the near future but for discretionary purposes I'm choosing to be very vague.  I'm excited about where I am headed but a little nervous at the same time.  I am not a big fan of change but sometimes the only thing that will shake things up enough for us to grow and move on is a big dose of discomfort and lack of control and stepping out on faith.  I have been in a spiritual drought for some time now and I will take responsibility for not feeding that relationship as much a I should.  I so desperately want to go back...

Life and love seem to go hand in hand now that I'm married.  Rock n' roll, not so much.  I still cherish the memories I have as a young hooligan, going to shows as much as I possibly could afford.  My concert dwelling days have since died off significantly due to lack of time and to the fact that I still listen to a lot of the same music that I did when I was growing up--musically growing up, that is.  I still love spending big chunks of time at the record store and dreaming I had Scrooge McDuck cheddar so that I could continue piling onto my music collection.  Just yesterday I bought some quality compact discs and have been jamming out.  Next week my wife and I are going to see one of my all-time favorite bands, Emery, in Anaheim.  I haven't been to a show in quite some time and am really looking forward to it.

When I read my old posts, look at old pics on Facebook, and when I reminisce to "the good ol' days", I often wonder what happened to that person.  What happened to A-Trane?  What happened to that fun, loving, caring, so full of life guy?  Is he still here?  Did he disappear?  My only hope is that he is somewhere near, encased in a shell of ashes that remain from an explosion of student loan debt, lacking intimate friendships, missing family and working at a soul-sucking dead end job.  There is hope America, but we must find the right tools to get him out of that shell...

I wrote the prior portion before I left for Boot Camp in 2014 and for some reason didn't publish it. I read it again and still like it so I wanted to publish it and now for the rest of the update.

Once upon a time...I started this blog and hoped to document my life and thoughts. I have never been good at consistency with writing, but if you read previous posts, or simply look at the date gaps you can see that. I am quite a bit older (and hopefully a little wiser) than last time I updated this thing.  I come to you right now from my luxury floating steel island, the USS Theodore Roosevelt in the Arabian Gulf.  I joined the Navy in June of 2014. After Boot Camp I spent 10 months in Pensacola, FL training.  Now I am deployed until late 2015. I am anxiously anticipating getting back "home" to Norfolk, VA. "Home" because I have not lived there for even a day, but my wife bravely moved there recently and is laying down our foundation there until I can join her and help her start writing this new chapter in our lives.  I want to keep this thing updated more routinely than in the past but I know how much of a chore that can become for me.  I will do my best. I am looking forward to our next port visit and enjoying some time off the ship and getting a little more sleep than normal.  This rebirth, if you will, is ending the hiatus from this page. I will continue what my tagline states, writing about love, life and rock n roll.  Next post I will cover some rock n roll. Til then...

You can't stop, you won't stop...

...learning.

As of late I have been reading Sacred Marriage, a book about marriage, holiness and God. My fiance read it and really wanted me to read it as well because of all she learned from it. I agree, it is a great book so far. It has not only reshaped the way I look at being in a marriage relationship and what being a man and husband looks like but it has also given me, not a different but a renewed perspective on how we treat others. The marriage relationship is a symbol of the love between God and man and thus the marriage relationship should teach us how to better love our spouse and others. God gave us the opportunity to live in the closest, most intimate manner and it really forces us to give ourselves over completely to unconditional love or it can't really work. And like the love that God bestows upon me that is too good and powerful to keep to myself, so is the love between and husband and wife; it should inspire the couple to spread love to others.

I just had the opportunity to take part in an overnight event with my youth group. Friday night was fun and games with time in the gym, laser tag and mafia. Saturday was a time of small group seminars. I was blessed with the privilege of speaking/leading discussion during one of these seminars. I decided that it would be good to talk about how we as Christians treat others. During my time of learning while reading Sacred Marriage God has really been speaking to me about this important aspect of my faith. I might be the only representation of God, Jesus, church or Christianity that some people come into contact with so I have a huge responsibility to rep my faith correctly. This is scary but at the same time a huge honor. I am blessed to be considered a child of God and I want to live that out everyday and to everyone.

I am getting married in less than four months. This is crazy! I am a little nervous, but I am also extremely excited. It is so cool that I get to marry and live with my best friend for the rest of my life. I just hope she doesn't end up wanting to kill me, haha. She is such a demonstration of unconditional love. I am soooooo blessed!

So I'm back. I am so bad at consistency when it comes to updating my blog. So I don't really know where to begin or talk about because not much has happened since last time but there was one thing that sticks out...I am now engaged! My now fiance and I decided a few months ago that we wanted to get married on August 20th because we are at the point where we want to get married and that date, which will be our 3 year anniversary, happens to fall on a Saturday. I asked her to marry me on March 12th. We are both very happy and excited. We are still unsure where we are going to end up but it will all work out because God is going to take care of us. We are just working at remembering to keep Him at the center of everything and not rely on our own power. Until next time...

Some much needed love and rock n roll...

I was recently reminded that I need to write about love and rock n roll since that is what I said I would do (its in the tagline under the name of my blog). I heard last week that one of my all-time favorite bands, Further Seems Forever, is reuniting with the original lineup which includes Chris Carabba, the singer of Dashboard Confessional. I am stoked because they were amazing and I'm really looking forward to hearing them again. I am also interested to hear what Underoath's new album will sound like since it will be the first taste of life in the post-Aaron era.

As for love, well there has been plenty of that for a while now. I should write about it huh? I was able to head up north this past weekend to spend some time with my beautiful girlfriend. Things have been pretty rough for me the past few weeks so time with her was a much needed dose of love and comfort. She is amazing and I am very blessed to have her in my life.

As far as life goes, this rainy San Diego weather is awesome, except for the fact that most of my commuting is done via bicycle. I like it nonetheless though.

Keep your head up because God loves you. Until next time...

Diary of a hypocrite

Who am I? A couple of days, weeks, months even years ago I could have told you. I'm not so sure anymore. I used to be crazy, fun, truly happy. What happened? Did life knock the wind out of me? Have I just grown out of it? I don't think so...

I have a confession to make. In my last post I talked about how being positive. I have been failing at being positive for quite a while now, and have continued the trend even since the last post. Well I have no right to give advice that I am not going to apply to my own life. It hit me today while I was journaling at a local coffee joint. I listened to the song Doubting Thomas by Nickel Creek which goes like this:

"What will be left when I've drawn my last breath,
besides the folks that I've met and the folks who know me,
Will I discover a soul saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
but I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward,
if there's a master of death I'll bet he's holding his breath,
as I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
cause I don't know what's safe
oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth
when I'm scared I'll find proof that its a lie
can I be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs
that prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
please forgive me for the time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
though I know nothing's safe
oh me of little faith"

It hit me like a ton of bricks, cliche I know, but so very true nonetheless. I don't want to live like this. I am going through a rough patch but I can't sit here and tell people that I'm a Christian and how I believe that God is watching over us and things will get better and then turn around and complain and question God. I need to do a better job of living out my faith and walking the talk. I had a good chat with friend of mine tonight about doubting and faith. Him sharing what was on his heart really helped me sort out my thoughts and feelings. My goal for the rest of the week is to live life to the fullest and find some of that long lost joy.

When it rains it pours...except in San Diego

Hello internet world. Its been way too long and the ironic thing is that in my last post I claimed to try to keep this thing more up to date. FAIL! Anyway, life has been busy lately. I'm still working for Coronado Rec and Warren Walker as well as helping out with the Jr. High youth group at San Diego First Church of the Nazarene. I am looking for a change of scenery though. Not as in location but as far as work goes. I need something more steady and better paying, whether that be more hours or more wages.

Other than work and youth group not much has been going on in my life. I have been spending my free time playing smash brothers with my roommates, reading, keeping up with the wide world of sports as well as working hard to bring home another fantasy football title, haha. Speaking of football, just today a huge deal sent Randy Moss from the Patriots to the Vikings which very easily puts the Vikings in a position to go to the Super Bowl. If they do make it to Arlington in February they might have to get thru a Steel Curtain to win a ring. ;)

I know not many people read this thing but if you do or happen to wander on here somehow just keep in mind God's goodness and mercy. Even though things don't always go smooth or how we want, God is in control and will take care of us. Count your blessings and live in thankfulness rather than worry and complaint; it does wonders for your attitude as well as those you come in contact with.

Go Steelers!

Sooo, I know its been awhile but...

Contrary to popular belief, I am still alive. Since the last time you read about me I went to Africa, interned at a church for a summer, saw Charlie Sheen in Hollywood, started dating someone (and still am <3) and graduated from college. I kinda slacked off there for a while with the whole keeping this thing updated thing (sorry blogosphere). Currently I am working for the City of Coronado Recreation Department and loving it. I am also helping out at a junior high youth group and taking a graduate school class (which I should be working on a paper for but this is way more fun). I stayed in San Diego after I graduated and I'm just kinda trying to figure out what's next for me. I will try to keep this thing more up to date. I'm gonna go try to get more done on this paper...